Winning

02 Dec, 2024

I'm watching Haikyu these days. It's an anime about Volleyball with an engaging story, inspiring characters, and dialogues that give you goosebumps.

In one of the episodes, there's a dialogue that hit me hard. But before I reveal it, I need to give you some context:

There are 2 characters—Daichi Sawamura and Hayato Ikejiri. They were teammates in junior high school. Once they lost a Volleyball match against a tough opponent. Everyone on their team, including Hayato, expected that outcome and didn't feel bad about it. But Daichi was so upset with that loss that he cried!

Looking at Daichi, Hayato says to himself:

You are the only one who is upset by it. I don't know why but part of me is jealous you could feel that way.

When I first heard this dialogue, I just paused the episode and remained silent. I realized that it's been a long time since I felt the way Daichi did after that loss.

Though I didn't play sports much, I was super competitive when it came to academics. I'd go the extra mile even if it's for just one mark and feel bad if I lose it.

But all this changed when I was hospitalized during ninth grade. That year, everyone around me said it was okay even if I didn't get good marks.

I understand why they said that—they just wanted me to recover without worrying too much about grades.

But that didn't stop there, they continued to say the same in the following years. I heard people saying "It's okay" a million times whenever I couldn't do something.

Of course, that's what your loved ones would say to cheer you up. I say the same to my loved ones.

But too much of this "It's okay" slowly takes away your drive to win. That's exactly what happened to me.

Though I secured good grades throughout my student years, I became less driven. I was okay with not achieving what I wanted.

However, things changed when I switched careers and got into freelancing but I still feel I'm not as driven as I once used to be.

Much like Hayato, now I find myself jealous of my younger self who could genuinely feel disappointment over losing a mark.

But the game isn't over yet, and I can still become as driven as I once was, or maybe even more.

I just need to remember that it's okay to lose sometimes but not be okay with losing. I've got to focus on winning again!